what do you think of this story

what do you think of this story?
my friend asked me to put this up for him (its his story) because he wouldn't take my opinion on the story. i told him there's just too many story's/movies out there that are just like his. but he wont listen and he asked me to put it on here for him. dont get me wrong, i told him it was interesting to read, but i told him its just to cliche. (oh yea, all the paragraphs/indents got messed up when i copied it into the question box) 5 Minutes Part I “What time is it?” “Nearly half past three” “What time did the plane land?” “Three O’clock” Jack arrived at LaGuardia Airport about five minutes after three. Worried he asked one of the flight attendants who have just gotten off the plane if there was any one else on bored, unfortunately the attendant said no. As being the only person in the boarding room he would assume that no one would come. He took out his cell phone to call her but all he got was her voicemail. Both his wife and daughter were missing. He asked one of the ladies at the counter to call them on the intercom to see if they could be found, like they were probably getting a drink or something, but as but all he heard was the ghostly echo’s of the women’s voice. Twenty-five minutes passed and still no one showed up. He asked if he could check the plane, to see if they have left anything, but nothing. The lady at the counter said “your wife and daughter are obviously not here. Are you sure they were on this flight?” “Yes I’m sure, she called me five minutes before the plane landed” “alright sir, well there’s nothing we can do right now but call airport security, and the police” “thank you” “well do our best”. As I walked away from the counter I felt the chills run down my spine. I got in my car and headed back to my house in Manhattan. I drove through the Queens-Midtown tunnel to my apartment at Columbus Circle in the Times Warner Center. I packed my car below in the parking garage and took the elevator up to the five storey glass lobby, and then I took another elevator up to the 39th floor, and headed for my room. Room 493 N. I unlocked the door and walked inside. I turned on the lights and went over to the counter to put my things down. I went into the living room and looked outside to the brightly illuminated view of Columbus circle, Central Park and the Northeastern skyline of Manhattan. I walked over to the kitchen and reached for the phone wondering who I should call, the police? The airport? Or…who? I took the phone over to my chair. I was keeping my self quiet for a while. The only noise that could be heard was the obnoxious sound of car horns honking, the wind and the buzzing noise of the phones dialing tone. Before I could even think of who to call, the doorbell rang. I got up and walked slowly walked to the door. As I opened it I looked through the crack, I saw know one. I quickly looked in the hall and still…know one. But I looked down and there laid an envelope. I brought it over to my recliner and started opening it. I pulled it out and started to read it. It said: at noon, come to the south street seaport. Ill be there waiting on the pavilion of Pier 17. I put down the letter and thought, who put this here? So I took my shower and went to bed so I can get everything off my mind. I woke up at 10 that morning. I got dressed and headed downstairs so I can go to star bucks. I walked inside to get my usual, Chocolate Hazelnut Latte. I walked to the parking garage to get my car. I got in and drove out onto Broadway. I drove through times square and quickly turned on to E. 31st. I headed towards South Street, and headed towards the south street seaport. The time was a quarter to twelve. Finally I arrived. I parked my car and put some money into the parking meter. I walked over to Pier 17, and waited at the very edge of the pier. As twelve came around there was still no one. All I heard was the sound of boats passing by, people talking, music playing, cars going past, and the humming of helicopters going by and starting. As I was about to go back to my car, some guy I was walking past bumped shoved me. I quickly turned around and the guy was gone. I quickly scanned the area around me spinning around in a 360 but no sign of the guy. So I returned to my car, but all of a sudden my phone started to ring in the name of my wife. I quickly answered. “Hello?” “Don’t leave come back to the pier!” “Who is this where is my wife?!” “Just come back to the pier go inside and at the ocean view restaurant inside you will find a package under table four.” “Where is my family!?” “Good bye…jack”. I guess I had no choice if I wanted to see my family. I went inside the pier where there was a shopping mall. I walked up to the third floor and went to the northeast side of the pier. There I saw the Ocean View restaurant and bar. I walked inside and looked under all the tables…there. I grabbed it and walked in to the bathroom. There on the box was my name in red ink Jack. I opened it and in the bo oh yea, i didn't realize it but yahoo answers cut off like, the other 10 paragraphs so if anybody wants me to, i can post the rest, but idc
Books & Authors - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
ugh so boring stopped reading four sentences in.
2 :
I loved the suspenseful ending. I thought the beginning was a bit dry, especially the part about Jack talking with the stewardess. Also when Jack was driving around town trying to find his wife was a little bit confusing too. I would advise your friend to make some spelling corrections, also he should really cut to the action of the story. If this was my story, Jack would be coming into an old bar near the dock. Then he would get drunk and drone on about he was missing his wife and kids. Then the mysterious box would appear..
3 :
omg talk about suspenseful!!!! i like it